fullofmoxie

12:16 pm: moving and grooving
i have moved this journal to http://moxieinboston.blogspot.com/
i can now post pictures and feel more hip.
smooches!

11:42 pm: land clams
well, what can i say.

it was amazing. one of the best concerts i have ever been to. first of all, the space was tiny. i got there early and ending up being about 3 feet from rh. crazy. before he started, he explained that it was a request show, so everyone was to write whatever song they wanted to hear and he would do his best. the second song he played was my request, glass hotel. whew. in fact, i was pretty shocked at what an intense performer he is. i mean, dont get me wrong, he was funny and happy and pretty damn agreeable. its just that he has these black orbs for eyeball played everything that was to be expected, some new stuff, some beatles, some iggy pop and a rousing rendition of 'kung-fu fighting'. oh yes. he basically ended with this blues song about pretty women, at first leaving the mic and singing from the side of the stage. then he basically walked around the crowd ending with him in the middle of the audience, with everyone singing the kung-fu song. it was crazy.

he discussed a few things of course, most importantly how donald rumsfeld is meeting with aquaman to address the issue of the land clams in canada, which of course, are 40 foot killing machines waiting in manitoba.

he also did this ravenous, lecherous dialogue for a moment and i thought he might jump into wafflehead, but alas.

also, rh is really tall. who knew? and he wears purple pants.

he also is really nice, so willing to hang with his fans, just so much more easy going than i expected. strange crowd too. after the show we had some of the best and spiciest indian food ever. just another reason to expirience boston.

a

07:33 pm: i just want to declare how super awesome i am.
because i am going to see robyn hitchcock tomorrow.
i am so very, very excited.
a

12:24 am: oh how these posts become infrequent when the laze sets in. i mean, the constant, unending pursuit of hard work. yeah.
this week was pretty relaxing in many ways. no school to worry about, the apartment to myself, etc. i was able to get a decent amount of work done. i have my completed drawing to bring to class tomorrow. and a crappy, unfinished model! yay!
i have been contemplating the complexity of relationships (thank you margaret atwood) - with this whole wedding thing, there are many to think about. friends, friends who are far away, friends from some time ago. ex-friends, ex-boyfriends. family. new family. my relationship with my new partner in life (i just cant call him my husband yet). it can make a person really happy and really sad all at once. not to mention my coming to grips with what i have done (dont get the wrong idea here folks). its just a strange thing. i am married, more officially married in june. married. as far as i can remember, i was not exactly raised to add -finding a husband- to my life checklist. it was strongly discouraged. and in college, i really felt, and a certain nagging voice in my head still feels, that marriage is this strange thing other people do who want to claim one another as property. now, i realize that this is a little foolish. except there is this whole added baggage of our country not allowing everyone to marry, if they so choose. so, to me, it makes that whole love-connection-family-marriage thing seem a little dirty. or not exactly what i want people to think of when they think of my decision to marry and create this family with max. because i am very happy that max is my family now. but, by entering into this sacred institution in this day and age, it makes me feel like i am just a part of the problem. so now that i wear a ring, it makes it all the more real. people ask about my husband. max no longer has name. is that the same for me when he talks to his friends? how is the wife? ack.
i also am having a hard time giving up a little regret that i have regarding my handling of certain past relationships. i feel like such a different person now. i need some kind of past-mistakes and emotional-snafoos funeral. and why does it bother me now? what does getting married have to do with that! see! i totally equate marriage with the closing off of my previous life. that is, to be inelegant, totally gross. marriage is a new beginning. marriage is good! why do i have this problem! and why is it a problem. why do i have so many questions?
all i really know, is that a few weeks after max and i met, i knew he was it. and all i could imagine is our life together. marriage was a part of that. and i remember how important it felt. sure, in the beginning we would joke that we would get married in 2007, or later, both of us not wanting to let go of that independence. but then, i wanted him to promise to be by my side forever, because without him my world would be in black and white. what a weird selfish thing marriage is. i am just glad he felt the same way. i just have to remember not to rest until everyone, regardless of what it is called, can choose to live in technicolor.
wow. i should be shot for writing that.

05:02 pm: oh those damn musicians
so i have been scouting the s.carolina area for some musicians. i am not having much luck. i did find an amazing sounding, non cheesy, jazz quartet led by the crazy russian guy. i was pretty excited. until i was told how much money they are. oof. i certainly dont feel its an outrageous fee, but i just dont want to settle for some gross dj, or college freshman musicians. blah. i really dont want to play recorded music either, at least during the ceremony. i am completely happy to have someone (namely by an amazingly musically /dj gifted dear friend -- you know who you are) make some rad mixes and have those play during the reception. but the ceremony? isnt there some amazing instrumentalist out there? a cellist perhaps? who would be willing to play a some poor girls wedding?

oi.

today was rather productive. i love spring break. i ordered envelopes, completed two color theory assignments, wrote a paper, got a start on my final methods and materials project, arranged to get a sample, made both a dental and non-dental doctor's appointment, and soon will be meeting max for a yummy mexican feast gifted to me by one of my favorite interior design colleauges, arlene.

tomorrow is more of the same -- hopefully creating one amazing model for studio, not to mention a slew of beautifully crafted and highly analytical drawings. yeah. right. however, i will say how proud i am of the fact that i somehow belong to part of the group of studio people that are recieving the highest grade in the class...woot. how did i become THAT student?

06:32 pm: wedding mania among other things
what a weird week.

my mother and i finally had it out this week. i cried. she cried. and even though i didnt exactly get an apology, i did get some reasons why she has been acting the way she has. 1. grandmother, 2. job loss, 3. feeling like a lousy mother therefore nervous to meet the new family, 4. feeling left out of wedding plans (!?), etc. things are much better now. i finally have a mother who is excited for the wedding. and who is interested in what's going on. and is fully involved in wedding plans. she is also going to help out as much as she can, though i told her it wasnt nessacery, but i think she feels better knowing she contributed. mothers are funny.

i also left out some thank you's to people this week. i hate that. i never want people thinking that i dont appreciate them. jeez. life gets so busy that it is easy to forget the things you have and havent done. sometimes i cant remember if stuff happens in real life or my dreams because my sleep is so poor and so connected to my waking life.

this weekend also contained ridiculously bad communication for max and i. for whatever reason we either arent listening or are speaking in foreign languages to one another. i suppose that happens.

however, the weekend was redeemed in today's activities, most importantly, finally getting ourselves to the boston public library, which happens to be pretty sweet. i checked out some interior design stuff, some heidegger, a book about rm schindler (my favorite architect) and some lesbian comic books. max is checked out some leftist comics, books on architectural drawing techiniques and architectural management. blech. he always has to read something boring about economics or management. blah blah blah. we cant wait to go back.

so now we are on to our model making with my boyfriend, the laser cutter. i have to do some color theory homework tonight, but otherwise, the weekend is over. and spring cleaning can begin.

11:52 pm: max has a great job! yay! its not architecture, but its a good job that makes him happy. the people arent lame! yay!

also.........i just saw my wedding invites for the first time. they are fucking beautiful. my friend kelly is a genius.

max is watching me write right now, so i have to stop.

ciao!

07:15 am: info for the wedding, a little early
Hotels

Name Address Phone Number Rate Miles Away
Bahama Sands 1321 South Ocean Blvd. 1-800-272-0601 $60+ 0.4
Mar Vista 605 South Ocean Blvd. 1-800-451-2816 $90+ 0.3
Best Western Ocean Sands 1525 South Ocean Blvd. 1-800-588-3570 $105+ 0.7
Red Tree Inn 1415 South Ocean Blvd. 1-800-233-0705 $78+ 0.5
Crescent Shores Resort 1625 South Ocean Blvd. 1-800-276-4200 $214+ 0.9


there is more coming with the invites, but just in case people wanted to know now.....

12:02 pm: functional skills
last night, around 11 pm, i found a listing for a summer interior design internship. it would be perfect: only 20 hours a week, which would allow me to keep teaching those kiddies how to sing. its a good job and it pays well (even when paying off a piano).

however, when it came to creating my resume, i was nearly speechless, or rather, unable to write. i have attained all of these skills, and yet i do not really know how to present them. i still feel too green, even though i have mastered programs like autocad, photoshop, and indesign. and even though i can draw you a plan, section, elevation, or perspective of any space, i feel nervous actually putting that on a piece of paper. because if i do get this job (or any desing job for that matter), i will probably be asked to do the things i say i can. what if i am not fast enough? or a get nervous? or i forget everything i have learned so far in design school?

of course, this is typical alyson-style neurosis. i cant just be okay with the talents i have. cant actually accept i might be good at something. blah. i thought it was just music. no. its everything.

things are absolutely busy and crazy and not at all slowing down. life has become a series of school, work, more work, homework, cleaning and some sleep. oi. not to mention my extreme need for spring. if spring would just happen, i think i can make it.

thinking of taking another part time job. max has landed some more long-term gainful employment. unfortunately it is not at arch firm. but, its a job. that is GOOD. because we are still in dire poverty. and thats okay, but it is getting somewhat old. i would like to pay bills on time. and do it with our own money. blah.

ok, really, i am not feeling as bad as this entry sounds. there is just alot of the plate of the brown sklar household. or the rosenbaum household. whatever you like.

06:28 pm: today was suprisingly good, even though i completely exhasted. my progress in computer-aided everything has improved exponentially.

and i feel neat because i was asked to show some of my work at school. sometimes they have students post their best work from the project and i was chosen. that kind of recognition always feels good.

i spoke with an old friend from home last night. as usual she is a sassy lady, regardless of whatever has befallen her. i have never known someone so brave all the time. well, thats completely true. i do find that so many of my closest friends are some of the bravest people i have ever met -- so many struggles -- class, race, gender, sexuality, not to mention family and relationships. you name it, they have survived it. are still surviving it.

tonight we are going to brave davis square and the ridiculously cute someday cafe. my very soul is owned by the whip cream on their mochas. and perhaps a half price, second run movie.

love,
the wife

10:27 pm: and the winner is...
max and i decided on max brown and alyson sklar. how could i not? i loved how everyone hated sklown. it was totally awful. although, i was totally tempted to pick rosenbaum. ha. and i have to admit i hate hyphens. hate them. though, i loved the idea of having the last name hyphen. haha. ha.

so we are married. technically. but in june it will be the big real event where we truly feel like we are committing ourselves to one another. i cant wait.

but for now, we have our cheapie rings that signify how we are each others property. awww....

11:54 pm: sklaown or brown?
so max and i are getting the legal aspect of the marriage over with tomorrow. we really dont want gw bush to have anything to do with our wedding, so we wanted to get the legal/financial part of it done way before the ceremony.
however, there is still some debate over our last name. i am asking that those who actually read this (hi julianna, hi katie) to weigh in. here are the contenders:

1. max and alyson sklown.
2. max and alyson sklar
3. max and alyson brown
4. max and alyson broar
5. max and alyson rosenbaum

i am very curious to know what people think. frankly, i am horrified by sklown. there are two many clown and scar references. think about the children!

10:37 pm: first of all, i think i should forgo writing when wounds are fresh. it makes me crabby and irrational.
secondly, how is it that boston is growing at a severly exponential rate? max and i get phonebooks every two weeks. we can practically build a new addition to our apartment with how many phone books we have. oi. are there that many new people, businesses? STOP ALREADY!

my review today went well. i still have a much easier time singing in front of people than speaking. i also finally learned how to use the laser cutter. its my new boyfriend. its amazing -- the genius, the ease in which is cuts that damn chipboard. hm. perhaps i should explain. you see, in design school, you have to create models of whatever you are studying, be it a famous architect or your own design. and its not just one model either. there are sketch models, concept models, final models, etc. and unless you know how to use both autocad and the laser cutter, you have to do this by hand, re: exacto knives and elmers glue. now, when one uses the exacto knife, one has to cut the same line over and over again. and once you have used the exacto blade between 5 and 10 cuts, you have to replace it. it takes for fucking ever, people. AND, unless you are perfect in everyway and are willing to cut super slow, your cuts will never be perfectly straight, equaling one gross model. never again. the laser cutter takes about 10 seconds. its perfect. beautiful. i nearly cried. no more blisters, no more cuts, no more crappy models. i am in heaven.

02:08 am: i wanna get married.....
so, i found out tonight that not only does my father think max and i should just go to the j and p, my mother could care less about our wedding and doesnt really believe we are able to pull it off by june. sigh.
just because we are poor, just because we are non-traditional, just because WHATEVER, doesnt mean that i should have to give up the opportunity to gather all those who love me to celebrate our vows to one another.
myrtle beach is going to be beautiful. the rabbi is going to be there. there is going to be a photographer. but more importantly, max and i and all those who care about us will be there. i dont understand what could be so hard about that. there will be some who will not be able to attend, regardless of the location. max and could be poor for many years to come. we dont want to wait anymore, selfish or not. and its not like i want a princess-y wedding. or a lavish wedding. but i also want this to be a positive thing, not only in my life, but my family's. its been a hard couple of years. usually my mother becomes very resourceful and creative in times of economic crisis when events need to be planned. now she is just tired and overwhelmed. so overwhelmed that she cant get excited about this wedding. she refuses. its a pain in her side. its going to be troublesome in every way imagineable. no one will be able to attend. ga will not be able to attend. there is no way we can afford anything. work will be hard to get away from. travelling will be so expensive. your father will be there. you dont even have a dress yet. you dont have any money. its in myrtle beach. i hope your not expecting anyone to be there. its making this very unpleasant. i know my mother is very depressed. i just thought this might be something to be happy and hopeful. clearly, i was very wrong.

10:58 pm: wow. i get so mad when time flies past me. i never seem to realize that minutes, hours, days go by. like today. i was going to get a ton of work done for studio. yeah, well sort of. it took two days to build models that i am only sort of going to use. arg. then all i wanted to do today was sleep. i woke up at 10, read some, worked until 2:30 or so, took a break, napped until 4, mangaged to putz around until 6, worked on a drawing, water-colored until 8:30 or so. took 50 pictures of my models, and created a model collage until about 10:45. yikes. i still have like a ton more to do. well, at least three more drawings/watercolors. blah.

max also got into an accident. it was snowy and bad driving conditions. it sucks, lets put it that way.
but he also had a job interview at a great place. we are definitely hoping for something awesome.

feeling a little less bitter this week. perhaps its all the time off. i start hating the world/capitalism/horrible people when i am tired. and i blame all of my tiredness on my povery. which is silly. rich people are tired too.

ciao
a

10:38 pm: oh the riesling
yeah. Riesling is delicious. and its a fun filled saturday of work, drawing and drinking, not necessarily in that order.
we are going to watch young adam tonight. i hear its dirty. i tried to make an eggplant dish but max and i realized we really dont like eggplant unless its covered with breading and served to us as eggplant parmigiana.
more tomorrow!
ciao!
alyson

09:16 pm: well well well
so i am definitely in the throes of school. yeesh. however, it has been a fun week getting more acquainted with my interior design people, drawing my fingers to the bone, and blowing off important work related matters in order to sleep.
i will say that i never thought i would learn how to draft on the computer. its crazy. autocad is complicated and unfun. and i definitely dont like it as much as hand drafting (bite my tongue). but it is clear to read, easy to change scale, etc., etc., etc. ah the 21st century.
even though my studio is a coven, i am beginning to love it more and more. where else can one have a fulll half hour conversation involving the selling of one's eggs:

me: money rules the world and is evil.
hipdesignstudent1: yeah, but there is always egg donor-ing.
me: you know, your right. i am always trying to convince max...
hip design student 2: yeah, but then there is another you out there.
me: that is what he says.
hip design student 1: but if you are ever like, unable to pay your college loans off, it seems like a reasonable solution.
hip design student 3: i suppose its easier than prostitution.

that is the jist of our lengthy discussion. the funny thing is, i totally support both egg donation and prostitution. it just seems like a lot of work for the money.
we also discussed the various ways in which to eat peanut butter, the love of 80's metal and the complete incompetence of dunkin-donut employees. oof.

again, its non-stop chatter. but i like it.

07:26 pm: women
i am not quite sure how i can say this diplomatically. my id studio is ridiculous. 10 women, 10 chatty women at that, for 3-6 hours. one really nice male teacher who has yet figured out how to get a word in edge-wise. i probably do less than half the work i should because of all the chit chat about atkins diets, asshole boyfriends, etc. let me tell you, i have never been in such a "ladies circle" in all my life. i have definitely been around women and women centered events, but this is such a typical slice of american femininity, that i just dont know what to do with myself. they just sort of look at me weird when i say i dont understand no or low carb diets because they tell you not to eat oranges. um, oranges? they also look at me weird when i talk of my wedding and there are no mentions of princess like organza gowns and 10 tiers of lemon torte, but instead, i talk of black wedding dresses and my absolute insistence for copius amounts of boooze. ah. interior design students.
they are also some amazing women in the studio. such a mix of creative neurotic types. varying degrees of talent for color and drafting. in many ways it makes me feel crazy, in other ways it helps my ego a bit. what has been fascinating is how different this girl in my class and i are doing our projects. we both have the same house, but our plans looks completely different. i am way less interesting in being exact. and she iscleary movtivated by perfection. who is better? i have more drawings, more messy drawings and she has one plan. it is a beautiful plan. sigh. this is where i begin to feel competitive.
max and i have a continuous fight over who are the better food network hosts. beyond a shadow of a doubt, he loves alton brown from good eats. to me, i find it somewhat interesting, but really, i dont care how many carbon molecules are found in bread and the impact this has on how to make it. however, people like ina garten who create fabulous dinner parties with elegant place settings and just the right appetizers is very appealing. but i have to admit, even though we love the food on everyday italian, we cant figure out if giada italianblahblahblah is a dwarf or not. her head is ridiculous large. her torso is ridiculously small. you do the math.

09:26 am: oof.
well, as usual, i am busy beyond busy. always on the edge of feeling okay and feeling out of control. school is once again in session and intense. doing some part-time research for ex professor. work is now three days instead of two. hour long voice lesson during week. max apartment, cats, rats, bunny. apartment. is that the list of priorties, in their proper order? already, i am doing that panic awake thing, around 7 am or so. i truly need 36 hours in the day. so what am i doing now? taking a break from the researching. its interesting actually. i am creating a database of the design firms in the area: their location, website, etc. its helpful too, to peruse job openings for max. cant beat 14 dollars an hour...
today should be good, although, busy. wednesday is just the busy day. studio, voice lesson, studio, and more class. home around 11.
wow. i am boring myself. more soon when something interesting is taking place.
ps, i found the house of my dreams. rm schindlers kings road house.

09:20 am: there many things i learn the longer i live here. for example, you say peebadee not pea-body. its woostah, not worchester. people drink lika. when your driving late at night, watch out for the dee-ahs. and there is also a storm called the northeaster.
i cant see out my windows -- they are completely covered in snow. the one window in the kitchen allows some visibility -- the world is completely quiet. a white wash of snow. i am talking feet here. feet of snow. its crazy. and its beautiful to see the world stopped!
so today will be filled with cleaning (if our pipes unfreeze), movie watching, and preparing for school tomorrow. if we have it, that is. i am also going to try and get max to make a snow man with me. woot!